Dear God:

Please Destroy All Humans Now.

Hugs,

Your servant ignatz.

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In focus groups, online polling, and one-on-one discussion, Extreme for Jesus has found that the number one reason teens don’t read the Bible is that it is “too big and freaky looking.” This fashion-magazine format for the New Testament is the perfect solution to that problem. Teen girls feel comfortable exploring the Scriptures and over 500 further-study notes because of the relevant format!

13 thoughts on “Dear God:

  1. I don’t get it
    The two most disturbing things: 1. Beauty secrets 2. Love notes from God. Are these biblical beauty secrets or tips about be hawt but chaste? Isn’t the New Testament supposed to be all about the love Jesus for folks? Why condense it down into creepy note form?

  2. Saw it a month or so ago. So horrified by the conflation of teenybop compulsory femininity with having any kind of spiritual life.

  3. I like the use of the Jesus-Fish as the letter Y. It makes me want to draw little feet on each one. I’d like to hear what scripture really means, as interpreted for the female early-teen demographic.

  4. so frightening and wrong, i had to link your post in my journal.
    i want to see a feature called “Sex Tips for girls”:
    1) don’t do it
    2) don’t do it
    3) unless you are doing it to have babies, don’t do it
    4) god likes it when you remain chaste
    5) don’t do it
    6) god hates birth control
    7) if you do it before marriage, you’re going to hell
    8) don’t do it

  5. finally! the gospel reinterpreted in a way that I, a white teenage girl coming of age in the latter days of godless moral bankruptcy and liberal media bias, can understa… hey, wait a fucking minute! this is just the new testament in here!
    i always get suspicious when WASPs get together and start smiling.

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