The major news wires and media outlets shall be required to give airtime and coverage to all events that occur in which people wear gorilla suits.
This will have a number of beneficial effects:
- Legitimate, hard-working, gorilla-suit-wearing people will finally have their achievements and contributions reported accurately, redressing an age-old imbalance.
- Publicity-seeking losers will be encouraged to wear gorilla suits in order to get the mandated media attention. This will result in many of the enervating news items that tire and bore us now being given the indubitable sparkle of gorilla-suitery.
- Headlines like “Eagles Tour Again: In Gorilla Suits” and “Perot Announces Senate Candidacy in Gorilla Suit” will multiply.
I hope I have all your support.