Elvis Mitchell cannot write and must be burned

In his frothing and incomprehensible review of the Matrix, he utters this immortal sentence:

[Agent Jones is] again played by the capable Hugo Weaving, who brings an exultant beatitude to laminated malignancy.

Where do you go these days to get your malignancy laminated? Sheesh.

17 thoughts on “Elvis Mitchell cannot write and must be burned

  1. I was trying to reply with a smart ass comment using big words but he already used exultant beatitude in a sentence and now I don’t know what to do.

    1. Don’t trust your malignancy laminating to just anyone
      That was precisely my response when Ignatz posed this question to me on AIM.

      1. Re: Don’t trust your malignancy laminating to just anyone
        good to know i’m not the only one with this fucked up trail of thought.

  2. That is some fucked up hilarious shit! “Currant-scented voice”? What the fuck could that possibly be about? Is that supposed to be synesthesia? Descriptive turns of phrase do not get better when they get stupider and less conceivably relevant to their subject. Any two english words would have fit equally badly. “Upholstery-muted voice.” “Urine-stoked.” “Eggplant-poised.”
    That is some lame offensive retarded junk. Put that one on the literary garbage barge and send it on its way to the currant-scented try-pots of super-duper lame-ass death nuking, or something. What the fuck ever. Does that shit suck or what.

    1. Mammary-laden potpourri of cottage-cheesy strength. Lettuce-engorged cherry-blossom-hued buttocks of yesteryear.
      Gene, this is some good shit. HURBLE BURBLE

  3. You mean we have something here in New York that you don’t have in California???
    And, incidentally, you do mean Matrix Reloaded, right? Or is the new meme to just call anything that looks like that the Matrix? đŸ™‚

      1. Re: PEDANT GONG
        Hey, I’m just trying to make sure I’m not missing one of those new things You Kids Today(tm) are doing, but GO RUSSIA! đŸ™‚

  4. Where do you go these days to get your malignancy laminated?
    Eh, I got mine SANFORIZED. Lasts longer.
    Re: current-scented voice: Either Mitchell was given a scratch-and-sniff card, or SamuEL has amazing breath control.

  5. Not to nit-pick, but Hugo Weaving represents the over-rated egomaniac AGENT SMITH, who invents a technique to clone himself in the Matrix, in a ploy to take work from hard-working constructs like myself.
    Rest assured, Agent Brown and I have already complained to our union representative.

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