It must be Summer Intern Time in Marketing. Everywhere.

1. Do not describe produce as brown. There is a huge library of Lands’ End colors for this exact purpose. The tomatoes themselves look fine. You could get away with calling them russet, or golden, or even tawny. Start over. Also: ew.

2. This is a university. It is, in fact, a university with a huge Asian and Asian-American presence. And this university is in a city with a large Chinese-American population; they’re a dominant presence. Using ching-chong-chinaman “Confucius Say” jokes on a package of fortune cookies isn’t just stupid or insensitive. It’s suicidal.

spinach chain letter stupidity kills

I got a chain letter which I will not reproduce here about how the spinach is just fine and it’s a big conspiracy and no one is really getting sick from the spinach and it’s the evil spinach-hating anti-raw-food forces spreading the lies about the virtuous spinach because “they” don’t want you to eat nice raw healthy spinach and live forever.

It was sent from a local raw food place which may well make very nice food themselves but will never get a goddamn dime from me after seeing this. Thanks for the dangerous tinfoil hat bullshit, goodmoodcafe.com

Please don’t forward crap like this. It’s not “just another side to the story.” It’s deadly paranoid garbage.

It’s bad enough that this country is trashing its public health infrastructure and letting Big Agriculture “regulate” itself. Let’s not make things worse. Hundreds of underpaid and underappreciated scientists and public health experts are working 24 hours a day to trace the source of this and every other food-borne disease outbreak and save lives. Calling them liars is nasty and irresponsible.

There is no anti-spinach conspiracy. If you want safer food, pay attention to things like this and why they happen. Super E. Coli bacteria exist because of brain-dead factory farming, and they get into the food because big food corporations wrote the laws that say they can wipe their asses on your food if they feel like it.

There’s your conspiracy and it’s right out in the open.

Laws of Nature: Stimps’ Law of Ice Cream

This law states simply that all ice cream names could also describe bad dumps. The latest ad poster from Carvel next to D’s proves this law once again. Carvel can’t seem to get a product name that doesn’t make me clutch my stomach. Fudgy the Whale? Fruit Fizzlers? Sundae Dashers? Hlrhgalgbag

The Brown Bonnet

To make you feel better about life, here’s a picture of my cat being cute.

Pouss Reclines

Waterclosetgate Hearings

ignatz: Mr. President, at the time of the memorandum you did not specify #1 or #2. Was there additional communication between you and the Secretary of State on this distinction?
ignatz: Please let the record show that the President slowly lifted both hands.
maciej: Republicans angrily denounces insinuations that the President may have intended to go do #3
ignatz: Why do you hate defecation?
maciej: 2 4 6 8… Condi can I micturate?
ignatz: Mr. President, you already have. It’s time to go to the “undisclosed location” again.