When you show up at a Starbucks in Orange County, and Mike of the gray ponytail and the long drug history, who lives in his van, is there with his free ‘n’ easy girlfriend of a certain age that he met at the San Diego Thunderdome Sex In The Bushes Swap Meet, and everyone is high on good weed, and Mike is grilling, and someone has brought lemon meringue pie, and the stoner gamer kid is playing the GTA:Vice City music really loud on the usb mic from his laptop, and Bob is there in his union suit arriving via tandem bike, and the people driving by are smelling the grill and seeing the freaks and nearly crashing with surprise, and no cops show up and the people at the mall couldn’t care less, and then there’s apple pie too…
“You have blue eyes and wavyish brownish hair. your eyes are very light. You are about 5’10. Medium body, not tall and skinny, mans body.face kind of little red from sun. Seem like 40ish. Seem a little serious or shy. You have a dog sometimes. One time saw you with a woman. Did not look like anything serious. You are so handsome not cute, but do not act like it. i think i have seen you on thursday nights. what is you name.
new coffee shop that used to be diedrichs on 17th. “
Today on the patio, every possible annoying person showed up. It was bad enough to be funny.
Area mentally disabled voyeur lecher foot fetishist guy, whose communication skills are very poor, was sitting at the next table smoking and thinkin’ ’bout string or something.
One of those charity scam people came in. You know, the kind who don’t speak your language and have a sign that says something like HELP WORD PEACE WITH $1 CONTRIBUTION and stand there looking plaintive until you shoo them off.
She got the brushoff from everyone until she got to Not So Smart Old Perv. She held up the sign and smiled. He stared blankly. She smiled again and held out the sign. He stared even more blankly.
This went on for three or four minutes.
At one point Bob rode in and laughed out loud, and yelled MEXICAN STANDOFF!!!
And then she left while we all picked ourselves up off the ground and started breathing again.
We want to replace her sign with one that says I AM BEING USED IN A SCAM; FOLLOW ME TO THE GUY IN THE VAN AND BEAT HIM UP.