1. Do not describe produce as brown. There is a huge library of Lands’ End colors for this exact purpose. The tomatoes themselves look fine. You could get away with calling them russet, or golden, or even tawny. Start over. Also: ew.
2. This is a university. It is, in fact, a university with a huge Asian and Asian-American presence. And this university is in a city with a large Chinese-American population; they’re a dominant presence. Using ching-chong-chinaman “Confucius Say” jokes on a package of fortune cookies isn’t just stupid or insensitive. It’s suicidal.
Particularly, do not drive your $1 million Ferrari Enzo drunk on PCH, although that derives from 1 and 2 above.
When you are the registered owner of the car which you have crashed drunk at 150 mph, it does not do any good to switch seats and say the driver ran away. This is especially true if you are the registered owner of the vehicle and your blood is all over the airbag.
Do not be a current or former exec of Gizmondo, even if you have not made any of the above mistakes.