GOOD MORNING, INTERNET

AS SOON AS THE 30 MG ADDERALL XL, 300 MG WELLBUTRIN, 300 MG RANITIDINE, 800 MG IBUPROFEN, AND ENTIRE POT OF COFFEE TAKE EFFECT I’M GONNA TAKE ON THIS DAY AND RIDE IT LIKE A BRONCO!!!

HOW ARE YOU???

Just to be clear I am also not building any surface to air missiles

It’s Kibo Week here at the substitute building. Today’s guest is a social worker I mocked in May for ripping the lid off the world of abbreviations that threaten your children. No rebuttal or argument, though. Instead she chose to take my headline literally and demanded to know if this was a death threat.

I understand that not everyone understands or enjoys satirical humor or comical overstatement or sarcasm. But it’s hard to see how someone could be a successful social worker with that literal a worldview.

Nonfiction Nation

The real reason James Frey and J.T. Leroy are depressing is that they show us once again that we’re unimaginative people who won’t buy a made-up story. It has to be real, just as it happened, and authentic because it was written by the person who was there! And even if the writing itself is fiction, it has to be written by someone who is real! Not one of those writers who sits in a room writing, but a soldier or a movie star or someone who was brutally abused as a child, and will talk about it on TV.

If Frey had written a novel about an alcoholic criminal fuckup and his journey through life, or if that couple in SF had presented J.T. Leroy as a fictional protagonist, they might have got a $20,000 advance and no royalties if they were very, very lucky.

Imagination is left to the kids, who get to enjoy Harry Potter having made-up adventures in a much more interesting world. Long live J.K. Rowling!

Dept of Inappropriate Clip Art

As joyfulagitator said, “they should just have used the theater masks.”

The gods of technology laugh at my pain!

So earlier I spent four hours fighting invisible network gnomes and buying stuff I didn’t need and talking to the ISP and not fixing it, and also hurting my knee. Now I’m out $70 and I walk funny and I didn’t even [PUNCHLINE].

I came home around midnight to discover that the network came up on its own at 8 pm. WTF.

But now I have 15%-20% packet loss. So I opened another ticket with the ISP, and I’m not buying a new DSL modem until they tell me what REALLY happened.

I’m a professional and this one has me running in tight little circles. What happens to everyone else? GAAAH!