It must be Summer Intern Time in Marketing. Everywhere.

1. Do not describe produce as brown. There is a huge library of Lands’ End colors for this exact purpose. The tomatoes themselves look fine. You could get away with calling them russet, or golden, or even tawny. Start over. Also: ew.

2. This is a university. It is, in fact, a university with a huge Asian and Asian-American presence. And this university is in a city with a large Chinese-American population; they’re a dominant presence. Using ching-chong-chinaman “Confucius Say” jokes on a package of fortune cookies isn’t just stupid or insensitive. It’s suicidal.

sometimes, apple…

my powerbook’s keyboard is trashed. i am getting a macbook from work, but dunno exactly when. i can barely get anything done. so I make an appt at the apple store, but i dunno how much it will cost or whether my laptop will disappear to texas for a week, making it all useless

there is no way to find out how much it costs to replace this keyboard, whether they have the part, or whether they even do that inhouse without making an appt and speaking to a “genius” in person. fuck you apple. i can call your store and they are not allowed to tell me whether it’s worth while to drive across town.

Good bye Diedrich

Diedrich Coffee gives up fight
Local chain sells 47 retail outlets to Starbucks for $13.5 million to focus on wholesale bean business.

The Orange County Register

Irvine-based Diedrich Coffee, conceding defeat in the coffee shop duel with Starbucks, agreed to sell the 47 stores it owns to its Seattle rival for $13.5 million.

The local company will remain in business as a roaster and wholesaler of coffee beans. The sale includes all company-owned Diedrich and Coffee People locations. Franchise stores aren’t included in the sale.

All “non-management employees in good standing” will be offered positions with Starbucks, and managers will be provided the opportunity to interview for positions, the company said.

Here’s the company’s statement:

blabla

How we live now: A one act monologue

A darkened stage with a single chair. Enter ANSELMA, stage left, wearing a headset. ANSELMA sits facing the audience and the lights are brought up.

ANSELMA: Good afternoon, we’re having a great day here at Gurdjieff Ford, this is Anselma speaking, would you like to speak to our customer delight associates about 0% interest and 100% freedom on the all-new for 2007 Ford Extrusion, the truck for your active family today with exclusive cash-back offers in partnership with Mountain Dew Code Blue and River Deep Holiday Slough Resort and Vacation Homes, where floating is swimming and swimming is life?

I will transfer you to Service immediately, ma’am, and can I sign you up for our Preferred Gold Protection Discount Service Plan Extension Guarantee Peace of Mind Club Plus, put protection in your wallet today, it will be 30 seconds of your time?

Thank you for choosing Gurdjieff Ford, a Klimt and Gysin dealer, for your automotive needs and more today we understand you have a choice and appreciate your business! My associate number is 37-228-19-27B/6 and as part of our customer outreach enhancement drive for total satisfaction I will now transfer you to an optional survey so if you have 15 seconds to spare to help us help you live life like it was ice cream you will be automatically entered in a drawing to win dinner for two at the Lipid’s A Lunchery!

The stage is plunged into darkness.

[a single shot is heard]