QOTD, public safety radio

Someone backhoed a natural gas main around here today and there was the usual excitement. Quote from OC Fire Authority on scene:

“Appears that a backhoe severed a gas main here. Area is cleared, and we’re just going to stand by until the Gas Company pinches this one off.”

WHERE’S ME BUCCANEERS?

This is intriguing, just received via myspace. I could certainly use more glitter words in my life, but what really got me excited was the “whore me generator.” It sounds like something Captain Haddock would yell, or maybe some software that would show me what I’d look like as a whore, or even better a way to get people to pay to have sex with a diesel generator, which would be all sparky and enginey and fetishey and incredibly lucrative. And I really, really admire the idea of charging someone to steal someone else’s code and paste it to them. That’s the kind of business thinking that will turbocharge an e-strategy into cyber-success.

I think it’s time for bed.

Hello,
Just want to let you know we are here to support your myspace profile. Here is a list of things we can do for your myspace account;

Profile Generator.
Like Someelse’s layout? Snatch their code and use it for yourself.
1000’s of pre made myspace layouts you can use.
1000’s of graphics to use on your profile or to post comments.
Glitter Word Generators.
Scrolling Bar Generators.
Comment Box Editor.
Friend Box Editor.
Contact Images.
Online Now Icons.
Profile Counters.
Free Image Hosting.
Flash Music Player (Create your own MP3 music player with your own songs to put on your profile)
Auto Comment Generator.
Whore Me Generator.
Put a Custom Image on the “xxx is in your Extended Network” Section.
Music Codes, Video Codes

Everything you would ever want. Check it out! there is def something you could use here.

oh hey great

Car accident: dumb. Car accident in parking lot at 3 mph: super dumb. Car accident at 3 mph in psychotherapist’s parking lot, partlally due to side effects of therapy: dumb enough to be funny. Said accident being with therapist’s own parked car: COMEDY GOLD.

Price to fix just her car: $1200. And then I get to fix mine. Hey, this shit ain’t funny now.

snarks on a plane

Five years of a blog that runs about 70% snark and grump, maybe more. I complain too much on the Internet, and it’s bad for my writing. Occasionally I catch myself and write a happy piece about kittens or Chinese dumplings or a really stellar masturbation session. But a gloomy Andy Rooney/James Lileks atmosphere threatens. It’s a flaw, and I’m surprised that’s not pointed out more.

Most of the time, though, my small and friendly readership either agrees, suggests a different yet sympathetic angle, or clears the buffer and moves on. I don’t get a lot of “oh hell no” or “you bastard, you pissed on my dream” reactions.

And then there was that time I dissed the Snakes on a Plane astroturf ad campaign, and found out there are still people who care enough to stand up for Jesus calculated viral marketing!

To everyone who has been delightedly posting about “Snakes On A Plane” for months now

This is the most successful “viral” marketing campaign since The Blair Witch Project. You bought the “internet rumor.” You bought the “they wanted to change it but Samuel L. Jackson insisted on the title.” You made your own media and distributed it. You posted about it on the Internet over and over and over.

Because you’ll enjoy anything with a detached sense of superiority, you made yourselves part of the strategy. Because black people saying “motherfucker” is funny, and because cheesy horror movies that scare people inferior to you are funny, and because you’ve been neotenized by pop culture irony into being perpetually 12 years old, you got trolled into the street team for a midnight movie and made some Chads and Brads and Thads in shiny shirts very, very, rich.

You deserve the decoder ring, the glow-in-the-dark badge, and the build-it-yourself clubhouse now. You ate all four hundred boxes of Froot Loops.

Homage to springheel_jack for the phrase “consumer Stockholm Syndrome,” which describes this phenomenon perfectly.

The Fall of the House of Steinberg

Mold sends homeowners packing

Super extra famous sports agent Leigh Steinberg had to move and then got screwed again in his second 5 million dollar house. Oh no! Why? Well, the mold showed up again.

The Ambe family blew 3.5 mil on a house only have their 18 month old baby covered in a rash and “listless” due to the same mold.

Oddly, the same building company didn’t seem to have the problem when giving away their services for a TV show in which they fixed up a house to save a mold-threatened child.

Best quote in the article:

“My poor husband — he’s a plastic surgeon — he’s having to do five surgeries a day … where typically it would be three,” she said.

I wonder if a Tulpa can take the form of mold?

DEAR THE PEOPLE WHO PUT VIDEOS ON THE INTERNET

Thank you for capturing so many unique things on video. “Citizen Generated Media” has given all of us new views of the world around us.

We understand that you have choices as you edit and upload your video. One of those choices is to add a soundtrack. This is optional, and we urge you to consider the option carefully.

You may have filmed a raging fire, a funny animal trick, shocking and brutal scenes of hand-to-hand combat, volcanoes, or any number of terrifying military machines and associated havoc. None of these things are equivalent to “music video,” and none of them are enhanced by your favorite tunes by Laibach or Metallica, clips from Tarantino films, or the totally unrelated music you enjoyed when you were 19 years old.

This is true even though every video you see on television is either backed by music or narrated by an airhead. Please trust us.

Thank you,

Everyone who has heard enough shitty 90s pop culture for a while.