Category: Uncategorized

who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

Even when I’m in a good mood (I have been since last brain lady appointment, as she predicted), it’s impossible to imagine my situation improving. I know from various experts that this is a symptom and consequence of my weird PTSD-like situation, but it’s still a huge barrier.

It’s as though if I could just draw a line or two from here to some place I’d actually want to be, and believe that I could get there for real, it’d be so much easier dealing with the day to day.

It’s a strange situation to know reasonably and intellectually that at least some of my beliefs about myself and the world are untrue, unreasonable, even a little insane, and still not be able to dislodge myself from them. I could write a ten page third-person analysis that would be completely accurate and still read it to myself and say to myself “you don’t understand”.

And it’s even stranger to see myself doing or not doing things that I can’t stand, or that seem alien to my personality. I’m the slob who hates a mess, for example. And I’m the outgoing, socially successful person who likes women and wants to be close to one, and I never have. There are a host of other minor things like that that leave me thinking “who the hell put the brain slug in when I wasn’t looking?” The technical term for this is “ego dystonia”. Brain lady says it’s consistent with my injuries.

I’m no longer a Christian, but I still have a lot in common with poor old grumpy self-deprecating Paul. There’s no better statement of ego dystonia than Romans 7:14:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

URGH.

I managed to bittorrent a Beta videotape rip of the classic 1981 concert film URGH! A Music War.

Locals who want a DVD, let me know.

Others who are patient, the bittorrent is on demonoid.com here. I’m leaving my seed running for a while.

The film is an amazing document of early 80s new wave. XTC, Oingo Boingo, Wall of Voodoo, an amazing version of Devo’s “Uncontrollable Urge”, etc etc. It’s not on DVD and only available on ratty old overpriced VHS or Beta (!) tapes.

Excerpt from a BBS

Forwarded from a friend, an Air Force transport pilot responds to a kid who wants to know how to become a fighter pilot.

I really enjoy this kind of grumpy, cynical military humor. Not sure why.

Obviously, through no fault of your own, your young, impressionable brain has been poisoned by the superfluous, hyped-up, “Top Gun” media portrayal of fighter pilots.

Unfortunately, this portrayal could not be further from the truth. In my experience, I’ve found most fighter pilots pompous, back-stabbing, momma’s boys with inferiority complexes, as well as being extremely over-rated aeronautically. However, rather than dash your budding dreams of becoming a USAF pilot, I offer the following alternative:

What you REALLY want to aspire to is the exciting, challenging, and rewarding world of TACTICAL AIRLIFT. And this, young DJ, means one thing….the venerable, workhorse, THE C-130!

I can guarantee no fighter pilot can brag that he has led a 12-ship formation down a valley at 300 ft above the ground, while trying to interpret a 9-line to a new DZ, avoiding pop-up threats, and coordinating with AWACS, all while eating a box lunch, with the engineer in the back taking a piss and the navigator puking in his trash can! I tell you, DJ, TAC Airlift is where it’s at!

Where else is it legal to throw tanks, HMVees, and other crap out the back of an airplane, and not even worry about it when the chute doesn’t open and it torpedoes the General’s staff car! No where else can you land on a 3000′ dirt strip, kick a bunch of ammo and stuff off the ramp without even stopping, then take off again before range control can call to tell you you’ve landed on the wrong LZ!

The rest cut because unfunny and lame.

good day.

Didn’t have to do much work. salome_st_john took me to dinner at Lido Diner for my birthday and I ate chicken fried snake steak. Went to D’s and saw changeng‘s holiday show including audience participation craziness as documented in the last entry. bruisedhips, klikitak, and the_angelmoroni were… …entertaining as a singing group.

I saw people I hadn’t seen in forever and met some nice new people. Hi there mcpino! Also, people I hadn’t seen happy for months were practically glowing, which was awesome.

There was a fair amount of Six Degrees of WTF as people from different bits of my life recognized each other. “Oh, he’s the one in the motorcycle crash picture!” etc. There was some high-quality storytelling also, including: the awkwardness of a first BDSM date; a sweaty guy who brought a scorpion into the coffeehouse today just sitting on his hand; Jonathan Richman; and other stuff I forgot.

There was a guy with long grey hair and a leather jacket and a pockmarked face and he looked exactly like Bob Forrest from Thelonious Monster if Bob had aged normally since 1985. I wonder.

Stuart played really well, including a version of the Twelve Days of Christmas that sounded like it was done by the Curse Pirate on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.

Now I’m having an ’01 Mondavi Merlot in my house that has the heater fixed finally. Life is good tonight.

Look out mama there’s a white boat comin’ up the river

  1. We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oil! Dear God this is worse than that Aphex Twin video or the dubbya girls site.
  2. “A woman heard about the rabid raccoon in her Dickeyville neighborhood soon
    after the animal attacked and bit a friend, on 2 Dec 2005. Even so, she was
    surprised when, a few hours later, a raccoon appeared out of nowhere as she
    walked her mixed spaniel. The crazed animal charged her and clamped its
    jaws on the leg of her corduroy pants.” Via ProMed.

  3. Anyone local know a Sean Pierce or Randy Spizer? They got busted for fraud hijinks with the new XBOX 360.
  4. Robot Wisdom links us to a neato, not expensive Muppet Chess Set.
  5. Reason has a good follow-up on that guy who got capped by marshals in Miami. Poor bastard didn’t have a chance, Nor do we, in a police state.
  6. Make your own Chinese Restaurant Sign. (Thanks, ‘Vark!)