Category: Uncategorized

You keep using that cheese. I do not think it’s cheese like you think it’s cheese.

cheez

  1. 100 Years of Innovation: Pasteurized Process Cheese Food.
  2. Attach ripe olive slice, cut in half, to driver’s head, using dab of CHEEZ WHIZ, to form “smile.” Cut remaining half of olive slice crosswise in half for the “eyebrows.” Attach remaining 2 pretzel sticks to both sides of little weiner for the “arms.”
  3. Q: Why is EASY CHEESE called Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product instead of Pasteurized Cheese Spread?
    A: Product differences or what is often referred to as standard of identity are determined by government regulations. Government regulations determine particular guidelines a product must meet in order to give a product its name. In July 2003 we changed the standard of identity , so the name of the product had to be changed from Pasteurized Cheese Spread to Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product. Although the name has changed, the product still has the same great taste you’ve come to enjoy.

    Q: Why was the Real Seal removed from the packaging of EASY CHEESE?
    A: You probably already know that the dairy industry uses the Real Seal to differentiate between genuine dairy products and imitations. While we support this effort, we can’t justify the cost of adopting the Real Seal program across all our product lines.

  4. Our Cheezy Military
  5. Triscuit® Cottage:
    Preparation:
    PLACE 4 RITZ crackers in square on flat surface. Using 4 TRISCUIT Crackers for walls, assemble walls on cracker base, sealing seams with cheese snack.
    CUT 1 TRISCUIT Cracker diagonally in half to form 2 triangles. Use 2 TRISCUIT triangles for roof support and 2 remaining TRISCUIT Crackers for roof, sealing seams with cheese snack.
    OUTLINE windows and door with cheese snack. Decorate with candies and chocolate chips as desired.

  6. So, what the hell is this crap, anyway? (American Chemical Society)
  7. Easy Cheese: How Much Is Inside? (Cockeyed.com)
  8. The future: bubblegum cheese, an explosion in the tube-snack industry,

HELLO NEWPORT BEACH. ARE YOU ALL READY TO ROCK TONIGHT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!

Eddie Money is playing at our shopping mall tonight..

Your chance to hear “Two Tickets to Paradise” in the Bloomingdale’s Courtyard at Fashion Island. Other things you can do tonight include stabbing yourself in the face and head, drinking a glass of warm vinegar, and looking at photos of skin diseases.

It’s Wednesday night in Orange County. What are you all waiting for? THE NIGHT IS CALLING YOU

Welcome back to the human race

I’m warming up to Ruba. There’s no where else to go that late, so this is a good thing. This evening’s entertainment included some personal history about being a Marine and a felon simultaneously and how that worked out, someone’s idiotic $500 plastic sunglasses, and a guy named Bilbo who wore too much fringed stuff and a mullet.

Now here’s the good news: Panera’s putting in a location on 17th, apparently in the former Rite-Aid. Hurray for the imminent arrival of good free wifi, lots of power plugs, decent coffee, and food.

I was listening to “Sultans of Swing” on the radio in my car and realizing that what I like about that song is the bassline, although it’s supposed to be a Guitar Asshole Song.

Finally, the National Weather Service agrees that our weather has been all fucked-up:

The heat that scorched Southern California this past weekend was not only record breaking…but largely unprecedented in recorded history. Strong high pressure centered over the southwest United States sent easterly flow and strong sinking and compressing motion into Southern California that maximized the heating. Monsoon moisture also contributed to the heat by keeping the minimum temperatures up…and numerous daily high minimum temperature records were also broken for much of the last week.

Several high temperature records on Saturday were the all-time highest for the entire period of record (see details below). This is particularly remarkable in Escondido since the record dates back to 1900. At San Diego Lindbergh Field the temperature peaked at 99 degrees…becoming the hottest day since September 25 1989…which is still the last 100-degree day on record.

Also remarkable for areas near the coast was the time of year for this extreme heat since several daily records were not just broken…but shattered (by 16 degrees in Escondido!). normally onshore flow with a marine air presence dominates the weather near the coast at this time of year…so record high temperatures are not as high as they are during the late Summer and early fall…when Santa Ana conditions are usually the cause of high temperature records and are more likely to occur.

joliet prison and 99 years, turn turn to the rain and the wind

Car Wash WIndshield

I talk back to the car radio a lot, particularly when it’s not making sense. Today I heard a commercial shilling for a local supermarket chain’s loyalty program. The pitch was that you were supporting local schools because they’d give the kids a pencil for every 400,000 cucumbers sold, etc. The ad was pure SPIN selling, starting with “Education is so important. Our schools need new books and new computers all the time so children can progress. And there’s something you can do to help!” At which point I yelled “YEAH, YOU COULD PAY YOUR FUCKING TAXES!” That’s when I noticed that my window was opening and that the motorcyclist next to me was grinning at me.

Dinner: Chilled poached salmon with mayonnaise and dill; toasted pita bread with a dollop of hummus and fresh ground black pepper; caprese salad with fresh tomatoes on vine, fresh ovolini mozzarella, fresh basil, and good olive oil. Time to prepare: 15 minutes.

I was at Kéan for just an hour or so today, to cool off and slurp a cold coffee beverage. Rich unhappy people have such scrunched-up, sour faces even when they’re experiencing pleasures most of the world will never see. Looking dissatisfied when you’re having a dark chocolate mocha milkshake in an air-conditioned cafe in Paradise just after buying an iPod must be difficult, but they manage it.

At Trader Joes a plastic surgery disasters woman in her fifties was dragging her husband around hectoring him about their purchases. She’d perch angrily next to some item and pick it up: “Do you want these? Do you like yellow mustard? I like Dijon mustard. Do you want it? Are we going to get Dijon mustard?” He was a tired Tommy Lee Jones who didn’t say much except “Okay,” or “Go ahead.”

90 degrees and humid means that all the beautiful people were showing flesh today. Including the very genuinely beautiful ones and not just the ones who had purchased the standard of beauty as an aftermarket option. A six-footer surfer boy, all tanned abs and long bones and bleached hair-mp, was looking at frozen food next to a hourglass-figured blonde beach goddess with honey-colored skin and shockingly bright blue eyes. They were unaware that they were a Guess! ad because they were trying to figure out which kind of peas to get.

The flower shop next to Kéan has an appropriately fancy name, but their sign with their url on it looks like they’re selling the flowers eaten by a demon rather than those painted by an Impressionist. It’s not as obvious as “powergenitalia” but they should have realized.

I am currently maintaining crushes on at least three unavailable women. Go me!

In musical news, I’m going to see Steve Wynn this Friday night. It may well be a real Dream Syndicate reunion show of some kind. I have an extra ticket if you’re interested and can go with or meet me at McCabe’s Guitars in Santa Monica.

I have “Percy’s Song” as done by Fairport Convention in my head.

the flat foot floogie, vouty

Yep Roc Heresay, by Slim Gaillard

Yep ruk hu’reesee
Ku’bisinee e kubu’ba
U’lu hu’mish u mak voutee
Yep ruk hu’reesee
U luh mish wey u luh mish voutee
U luh mish u ruenimoa
Yep ruk hu’reesee
Ku’bisinee e kubu’ba
U’lu hu’mish uv oa voutee
Yep ruk hu’reesee
Oa voutimoa
Kibi’sini kibisee voutee kibisee voutee
Kibisee vuetee
Uee chiku chiku chiku chkie
La ho mak vuenimoa
Mu’saan bu or’uenee
Yep ruk hu’reesee
Ku’bisinee e kubu’ba
U’lu hu’mish u mak voutee
Yep ruk hu’reesee
Aluh mish vuetee u luh mish o’reenee
U luh mish vuetee u lu mi rueneemoa
Yep ruk hu’reesee
Ku’bisinee e kubu’ba
U’lu hu’mish u mak voutee
Yep ruk hu’reesee
U luh mish wey chilee un tu’meytoa saus
Ou voutee hu’reesee
Ku’bisinee e kubu’ba
U’lu hu’mish u mak vuetee
Yep ruk hu’reesee
Lu hom la ho mak votimoa
Ki’bisee ni kibisee voutee kibisee ruetee
Kibisee lam no ruenee ue o’ruetee
La ho vueteemoa
Ie suepu vueteemoa ku
U litul spies o mak vozee
Yep ruk hu’reesee
Ku’bisinee e kubu’ba
U’lu hu’mish u mak vuetee
Yep ruk hu’reesee.

Yep Roc Heresy (.mp3, 4.9M)