Month: June 2006

WATCH THE HELL OUT FOR DRUNK PELICANS OKAY?

Bird Allegedly Flying Under The Influence Crashes
cbs2.com
June 23, 2006

A pelican that crashed head-on into a car windshield may have been flying while intoxicated on sea algae, and officials warned people Friday to be on the lookout for more unusual animal behavior.

The California Brown Pelican flew into a car windshield Thursday on Pacific Coast Highway in Laguna Beach.

It was in guarded condition with internal injuries at the Wetlands and Wildlife Care Center in Huntington Beach, where a four-inch gash in its pouch was stitched up and its right toe was stabilized with a pin, according to Lisa Birkle, assistant wildlife director.

Wildlife officials said the bird may have been high on an algae in the ocean that could be reaching Orange County.

If the bird’s behavior was a result of eating the sea algae and subsequent Domoic Acid poisoning, which has affected seabirds and marine mammals the last two months, then more birds could be affected and people should be on the lookout for similar unusual behavior, Birkle said.

Symptoms range from general disorientation, acting “drunk” or just being in an unusual place, she said.

Any unusual behavior in pelicans should be reported to the wildlife center in Huntington Beach at (714) 374-5587, Birkle said.

Brown pelicans are an endangered species that are protected from hunters. But the government is seeking to “de-list” them from that status because they have made a comeback from their dwindled numbers caused by DDT poisoning years ago, Birkle said.

Copyright (c) 2006 cbs2.com, All Rights Reserved.

neko case @ the belly up

Saw Neko with her band in Solana Beach. salome_st_john and I agreed that it was the whitest bar ever. It looked like a rock ‘n’ roll bar from a sitcom. The sound was good and the waitstaff were pleasant and efficient, though.

The two opening acts stank. There was a roots rock combo apparently fronted by Meat Loaf with someone from the Jesus & Mary Chain drumming. I could not stop looking at the drummer’s hair, and I cannot remember one song they did.

Then this asshole played for 45 minutes or so. He was trying to do that Woody Guthrie/Phil Ochs/Early Dylan thing, but it was all show, down to the button-down shirt and the 1930s haircut. Faux naive singing, lots of long pauses, and a tarted-up Oklahoma flat drawl. I wanted to say mean things to him and hit him with a board. I don’t much like Jeff Tweedy’s stuff or Steve Earle, but they at least aren’t just playing dressup.

Neko was great. She was obviously exhausted but warmed up pretty quick. Her band is fuckin’ SMOOTH, too. Jon Rauhouse on steel guitar, banjo, and Hawaiian guitar: YES. Kelly Hogan is so good in her own right, that with her doing backup for Neko it’s like you’ve got two leads.

The set was good. No “Guided by Wire” but we did get “Set Out Running” and the best tracks from the last two albums. “Maybe Sparrow” is even better live.

That Drunk Guy was there, of course. In this case it was a tall, skinny beardo with close-cropped hair and the permanent grin of the deeply intoxicated. He was a head taller than everyone, specifically a bobble-head taller. He loved both opening acts and danced to his own mad rhythm, hands waving a la Deadhead.

When Neko went on stage he produced a stuffed animal and began waving it in her face. It appeared to be a fox (likely a reference to her new record) and had the tag still attached. At this point we realized that he’d reached the apex of drunkenness, the place Bob Trout calls “I AM INVISIBLE.”

There was also a woman in an Inexpicable Magenta Showgirl Wig, sort of like Katey Sagal from Married With Children but with the contrast turned way, way up.

Everyone else was really white and really drunk. North San Diego County is like that.

WHAT ARE WE DOING? WE’RE GOING TO FORGET THINGS. THEY DON’T FUCKING HAVE PEPPER.

There was a schizophrenic woman at Mother’s Market today.

She was in her sixties and had a husband with her who was very quiet. She was not quiet at all. She galumphed about yelling.

WHERE IS THE PEPPER? HEY, YOU GOTTA TELL ME. HORSE COCK! I WANT PEPPER, LIKE RAW PEPPER, LIKE YOU GRIND. NOT CHILI PEPPERS. YOU SILLY GOOSE! YOU’RE ALL WRONG! WRONG! YOU GUYS DON’T HAVE PEPPER? YOU GOTTA HAVE PEPPER. WHAT THE FUCK. SOMEONE HERE HAS TO SPEAK ENGLISH, HEY DO YOU?

I told her that the pepper was around the corner in the aisle that said “Spices.”

THANK YOU SO DAMN MUCH. SOMEONE HERE IS WILLING AND ABLE. GOD BLESS YOU. THANK YOU.

She ambled off with husband in tow. Didn’t get far before she started galumphing and yelling. About ten feet from the spice aisle she was broadcasting again.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS. WE’RE GOING TO FORGET WHY WE CAME AND JUST LEAVE OR SOMETHING. COME ON, WHERE ARE WE GOING, WHAT ARE WE DOING? PEPPER, YOU KNOW. HEY DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET JUST RAW PEPPER, BLACK.

She was pointed to the spice aisle several more times (twice by me) and eventually achieved her goal.

In the checkout line more trouble awaited her.

SIX DOLLARS AND SEVENTY CENTS? YOU ARE KIDDING ME. I CAN AFFORD IT BUT I WON’T PAY IT. I AM GOING TO HAVE TO REMOVE SOME THINGS. YOU ARE A KIDDER, YOU’RE A SCAMMER. YOU ARE SCAMMING ME, RIGHT?

The cashier grinned and said “Nope. It’s just the price, look there.”

After a few more trips around the catch phrases she paid and toddled out with quiet husband still in tow.

The funny thing about her was that despite the yelling and grousing and disorientation and more yelling and occasional insults, she was clearly not only harmless but cheerful, and obviously thought of herself as friendly. The funnier thing was that everyone seemed to grasp this and no one was mad at her. In fact, she left friendly smiles in her wake the whole way.

Everything is attainable.

Brent wants to be my friend. This is awesome, because Brent runs Absolute Power Dating, a resource for guys just like me to get dating tijps that are absolute, and powerful.

Brent could actually use a little bit of my help with language. I understand that, in his latest blog entry, he means to say that socially inept ugly guys can too get that dreamgirl they saw on the tv, but “UNATTAINABLE MY ASS!” sounds more like the weak protest of the bi-curious man on the edge. Oh it’s attainable all right, Brent. You’re such a tease.

NO.

Customer questions Six Apart’s decisions. Six apart employee anildash responds with hand-waving and personal attacks. He invokes his insider status and then disingenuously calls his shilling for the company “personal,” and then says the customer is being deliberately dishonest.

Hey, Anil? Even if springheel_jack was wrong, even if he is guilty of everything you said, you are not entitled to behave that way. At least have the courtesy to put on a sock puppet before you abuse us.

I’m waiting for the public apology.

Guys, we paid for this thing. If you want to keep getting paid just for being Top Bloggers, you can’t keep shitting on your customers, even if the customers make you very, very angry. I learned that as a Radio Shack clerk 22 years ago, and I continue to practice it as a well-paid technology professional.

anildash should have his LJ suspended and get a week off work without pay. If you want to be a jerk, go blog for free and get a real job.