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Party Girls at Gatsby’s, or: Avoid a Modeling Career

By substitute on January 14, 2012

Wrong number email and text messages are a joy. I’ve had email addresses with just a first name or simple word and received everything from a detailed thank your for a weekend-o-sex to a nauseating consumer complaint about a yeast infection remedy. Sometimes it’s just Kismet, though. Years ago I got a mistaken invitation to [...]

Posted in doom | Tagged failure, sex | Leave a response

In Defense of Marriage: A Modest Proposal

By substitute on February 28, 2011

It is a fact generally acknowledged that the institution of marriage in the United States is troubled. Editorial writers, television journalists, and politicians are agreed that less people are marrying, less are taking their marriages seriously, more are ending their marriages, and those who end them often have several. The importance and permanence of marriage [...]

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged failure, gay, marriage, politics, sex, taxes, usa | 14 Responses

Poutine, sodomy, and the lash: slight return

By substitute on November 25, 2010

Holiday good times on Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/substitute/status/7940724037259266 http://twitter.com/Poutine_Bot/status/7941615922454528 http://twitter.com/sodomy_bot/status/7952487717806080 http://twitter.com/Poutine_Bot/status/7952946658549760 http://twitter.com/sodomized_bot/status/7959280661561344 Happy Thanksgiving, fellow Americans.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged boing, food, gibbering, sex, twitter, vampirebutlerresurrection, weavemeaconeyoustupidbat | 7 Responses

I’m just saying.

By substitute on May 3, 2010

In the adult bookstore (why do they still call it that?) near me there are many, many pornographic videos. They are all intended for straight men. Men having sex with women, women having sex with women in order to please men, and varieties of kink for straight men. There is one section of the videos [...]

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged ha, sex | 6 Responses

Halloween: What Not To Wear

By substitute on October 30, 2009

The Halloween costume for women that I call the “Slutty Noun” outfit is now a topic of debate and outrage; I’ve been complaining about it for years. It’s mainstreaming the sex industry, dragging women back into the Playboy Bunny past, and in poor taste. Yuck! Last year I realized something worse. While the women dress [...]

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged failure, halloween, politics, sex, sluttynoun | 47 Responses

There are multiple possible punchlines

By substitute on July 4, 2009

Well-aged meat etc etc

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged food, sex, signs | 6 Responses

I got LJ email spam for a bear site

By substitute on October 23, 2008

Favorite quote from the ad is a testimonial: I DIG THE LUBE TUBE VIDEO LOUNGE WITH INTEGRATED CIRCLE JERK VIDCHAT

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged commerce, ha, sex | 6 Responses

I expect you to die, Mr. Bond!

By substitute on October 7, 2008

Meet Henry T. Nicholas, local billionaire and James Bond villain. Henry was the head of Broadcom, a big microchip company. Henry stands six foot six, has a dungeon under his house, slips Ecstasy to unknowing dinner companions, does meth and coke, has a prostitution problem, has armed guards patrolling his home, and flies around in [...]

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged commerce, drugs, failure, orangecounty, sex, villainy | 12 Responses

someone likes someone who’s a regular at BG

By substitute on July 20, 2008

http://orangecounty.craigslist.org/mis/762771057.html “You have blue eyes and wavyish brownish hair. your eyes are very light. You are about 5’10. Medium body, not tall and skinny, mans body.face kind of little red from sun. Seem like 40ish. Seem a little serious or shy. You have a dog sometimes. One time saw you with a woman. Did not [...]

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged patio, sex | 4 Responses

HEY EVERYONE BARGAIN GARAGE SALE EVERYTHING MUST GO

By substitute on April 27, 2008

OWNERS OF SWINGERS CLUB SELL FURNISHINGS Nalder and Wood advertised sale items on craigslist this past week, including a 600-pound ice maker, 26 double, queen and king-sized five-inch thick foam pads and a steel-framed bed with headboard lights. The posting stated the club was moving to a new location and down-sizing. Outside the building, several [...]

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged no, orangecounty, sex | 5 Responses

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