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My travel day so far, or Nightmares of Wealth and Convenience

Going to Portland, Maine today. Yay! Early flight, 7 am, so that we’ll have a nice two hour layover before the connecting flight from Newark. Up at 4:30. Cab called at 5. Cab to be there in 15 minutes! Cab does not arrive. Call dispatcher. Dispatcher is evasive, yet concerned. Says cab driver is not […]

Aunt Substitute’s 2012 Mandatory Voter’s Guide.

Hi. Vote. It’s not about you, okay? It’s about everyone else. Also, below is my opinionated ballot guide, which becomes less and less useful as you go down the list until it’s pointless for people who live more than 10 miles from my house. Also, I am a combination of lefty and ornery (two of […]

An open letter to The Onion

Hi Onion. You guys are consistently the funniest thing I see. Congratulations and thank you. However, you really blew it with Nation Did Not See Mark Wahlberg’s Sex Change Coming. Trans people should not be a punchline. Not because I believe in prudery or censorship, but because they’re the people everyone shits on, and it’s […]

What’s French for “Clark Griswold”?

When I was a kid we spent a lot of time in Europe. On one summer trip we drove around the Loire Valley visiting rustic towns and castles. The Loire is famous for its old castles, which have mostly been preserved. It was a great trip: old stones, rustic villages, great food. At one of […]


Let’s begin in the desert. Shotglass was at the top of the wash, a rapidly spinning drum about a meter wide and protruding almost to the top of the weeds. Tongs  stuck out of the slanting east side just a little and looked like a stray bit of rebar. Olive and Onion were hair-thin wires […]

Late Additions, SXSW Interactive 2012

Folks: We know you’re just as pumped as we are about all the rockin’ events, speakers, sessions, and performances at this year’s SXSW Interactive. But it’s even better now. We’ve squeezed in some more items that kick ass so hard that we’re flyin’ here! Check out: FRIDAY: Mobile Karaoke for NGOs: Sharing Stories, Sharing Licensing, […]

For Black History Month: Bob’s Homecoming

This is Bob Trout’s story and not mine, so I’ll do my best to transcribe: When we came back from Vietnam, the protesters were waiting for us. It wasn’t just yelling and a little spitting, it was a lot of throwing stuff. We had nowhere to go and no way around it. And these cabbies, […]