20 responses to “Annals of Employment: Tony the Ax versus The Phone Company”

  1. mcpino

    And they’ll never find where the bodies phone cables are buried.

  2. rivetpepsquad

    ………that was raw AWESOME.

  3. hydrozoa

    that is a fun story to read on the internet, but east coast people are scary. they are all a hair-trigger away from making you lick up their diarrhea.

    1. maps_or_guitars

      Not if you just shut the fwuck up and do whatcha fwuckin’ sposedta.

      F’fwuckssake, I gotta do everything myself around heah?

    2. taskboy3000

      Really, it’s a cultural thing.

  4. hoyvenmayven


    1. maps_or_guitars

      Damn STRAIGHT.

  5. hotelsamurai

    I’ve often wished I was more like that guy. But that approach only works if the humans involved have some hope of fixing the problem, and they just haven’t gotten around to fixing it due to inertia or competing priorities. If it’s beyond anyone’s power to fix, as some technical things invariably are, you just get a lot more frustration and no results.

    Some problems are in need of a good kick in the ass. But many are more complicated than that. Unless one can tell the first kind of problem from the second, one ends up like DeNiro in the third reel of Raging Bull, punchin’ stuff because that’s the only trick he knows how to do.

    1. hepkitten

      i can guaruntee you, from hearing my uncle on the phone all weekend, this is 100% how the bridge got fixed on time. i heard my uncle yelling shit like YOU DO NOT FUCKING COME DOWN HERE IF YOU ARE NOT DONE WELDING THAT BEAM IN OR I WILL FUCKING CUT OFF YOUR BALLS AND STUFF THEM DOWN THAT HOLE YOU CALL A MOUTH AND I CALL A SHITSTREAM.

      it was lol.

  6. travisd

    That was FWUCKING Awesome.

  7. jactitation

    NOW I know how I’m gonna find proper daycare for my kid when I move!

  8. dr_strych9

    At every company I’ve worked in my career, there has been somebody on the staff specifically chosen because they possessed the ability to do that. At one company, we had a rotating array of people who took turns bitching out telco operations people. None of them enjoyed doing it, but it was why they were hired.

    The reason your Tony the Ax had to threaten to cut off somebody’s balls? Because the guy waiting on hold from the company down the street just threatened to rip off his head and shit down his neck, and the next five guys who will call are going to threaten to rape his wife and cannibalize his children. If you just ask nicely, the Phone Company guys think you can afford to wait.

    1. alfaguru

      I have the ability to do “angry scary mentalist” if need be (extremely rarely), and it has generally got results, but I once worked with a bloke who drove to that state for real: at that point I’d had 8 years experience of programming and he’d just been on a 6 month course or something, and yet he kept contradicting me – rather than simply saying he didn’t know how to do what I was asking, he kept insisting it couldn’t be done.

      I got really angry and he made it worse by failing to react other than to continue insisting he was right and I was wrong. I ended up literally jumping up and down on the spot screaming at him. Horrible.

      1. besskeloid

        I ended up literally jumping up and down on the spot screaming at him.

        *has mental picture of this*


  9. jpeace


  10. createdestiny


  11. jakeinhartsel

    I was the Director of IT for a Cable company and about once every two months I had to get US West, The PBX Vendor, and Our long distance vendor in the office and then Tell every one that no one leaves the office until the GD problem is solved. That normally worked, but I could have used your ex-boss.

    I also sat on a help desk for NASA during project Skylab project and normally telling them that they were single handedly bringing the US Space program to its knees did the trick.

    But in all cases the operative phrase was our “stuff looks good, must be ‘the other guy’.”


  12. pbd

    I love that story. It never gets old. Earlier in my 20’s I had the ability to be that guy, but now that my daughter has literally shit on my hand with streaming diarrhea, it hard to get that upset over work related shit. The benchmark has been set pretty high.

  13. hebisner

    Nothing beats the Telco for jacking things up and then claiming it’s everybody else’s fault.

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