30 responses to “DEATH TRUCKS.”

  1. jpeace

    I know a guy who was hit by a VERY HOT ASPHALT TRUCK. The VERY HOT ASPHALT poured into the car and burnt him all over, necessitating VERY MANY SURGERIES and a VERY LARGE LAWSUIT. He used the VERY CONSIDERABLE PAYOUT to build an EXTREMELY LARGE CLASSIC MACINTOSH COLLECTION.

    This is a true story and you are right to be afraid.

    1. feisty_robot

      Macintosh the raincoat, the audio amplifier or the computer? Any of these would be sad in its own way.

      1. jpeace

        The computer.

      2. litch

        wow, wouldn;t it be sweet to have a collection of macintosh amps?

        1. besskeloid

          All draped in macintoshes!

  2. maeve66

    The ending of that story seems kind of sad to me. But maybe I am just ignorant of classic macintoshes.

    This entry, on the other hand, is the best thing I have read on LJ for many, many moons. Thank you for writing it. I feel like I have a field guide to the 880 now, though luckily not for the 580, which does not allow trucks. Well, it would allow some of these smaller death trucks.

    1. catamorphism

      880 also had a *literal* death truck which was that coffin company truck which had a sign on it with some irony about what would happen if you fail to drive carefully around trucks, if I recall correctly.

  3. jonpants

    What about the trucks filled with pebbles that go all over the place? Or the gardener trucks with lawnmowers and gas cans that fly off.

  4. mcpino

    Heh heh. BOOM! Heh heh.

  5. xephyr

    What, you don’t get the radioactive waste trucks in your neck of the woods? And those enormous cylinder trucks are death on a stick, too: they could have milk in them and still be very ominous.

    This post is awesome. I laughed so hard, I woke up the cat. I don’t want to be street, either.

    1. litch

      In a way milk trucks are the scariest cylinder trucks. Other liquid carriers generally have baffles in them to stop the fluid from surging around demonstrating newtonian physics calamitously. Milk haulers don’t have baffles because it makes it impossible to completely sterilize the inside.

  6. stimps

    My great uncle drove long-haul trucks. His last shipment was of long heavy metal pipes which ended up going through him at an unexpected stop. I have a great fear of Things On Trucks since then. Except ice cream trucks. =)

    1. rollfizzlebeef

      I have a fear of ice cream trucks because the last neighborhood I was in, our local ice cream truck would show up in the middle of the night, stay on for hours, and then be followed by gunshots.

      1. stimps

        Yikes! The customers must not have liked the fake chocolate topping.

    2. tuliphead

      My ex had a family member go in a related way – he was driving a car behind a truck with a bed full of large uncut tree logs. One came loose and flew backwards into the car… ugh. To this day I am still nervous being behind Trucks Carrying Objects That Might Not Be Secure.

      1. stimps

        YOW. I trust people who tie things down about as much as people who set up rides at the fair.

      2. mr_flippant

        I definitely think “Truck Carrying Logs That Seek Revenge” should be on this list.

        1. besskeloid

          That trucker’s love is in league with the freeway.

      3. capn_jil

        yow indeed.

  7. n_by_nw

    I consider anyone driving a U-haul or equivalent as death truck material. It’s often the first time the driver has driven anything of that size.

  8. travisd

    Unfortunately, I bet that these guys have a safety record that starts to approach infinity when compared with the real menace – the 17 year old with 3 friends in the car and a cell phone.

  9. Anonymous

    my mom always told me if i asphyxiated my liverwurst too much i’d go blind

  10. capn_jil

    also logging trucks and trucks carrying pipe

    also amateur or smallish trucks that have pipe or 2 by 4s delicately secured to the top of their rigs

    oh yes, and u-hauls

    but of course when youre on a bike all trucks are death trucks…..

  11. kasheri

    Death trucks are among the many things that cause me to discourage from getting a motorcycle.

    The ones that scare me most are the small pick-up trucks with surfboards set in the bed so that the tail of the board is on the floor up near the cab and the point of the board is propped up on the hatch. More often than not, the surfer dude driving has not secured the board in any way, and the board is aimed right at my head. One unexpected bump, and I’m going to be sushi, and with all the pot-smoke billowing out of the cab, I don’t have much faith in surfer dude’s ability to avoid road hazards.

  12. brainflak


    A good friend lived on the linear asymptote of a startlingly acute curve in the railroad tracks, and would sit on his back porch, 40 feet from the tracks, watching the trains rattle along the curve with their inner wheels kinda bouncing up off the rails. This was never as thrilling as when the huge tank cars labeled EDIBLE TALLOW thundered around that bend.

    1. kasheri

      Re: Yum!

      mmm…edible tallow…

  13. kafkateer

    conrad this was the best!

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