This just in via email:
With summer coming to an end, it’s time to gear up for school at the Official Hives Store. Swing by now through Labor Day (September 1) and you can save 25% off everything in the store. Pick up men’s and women’s t-shirts, posters and keychains and more to get ready for all that the rest of the year brings. Pick out a new Hives hoodie now for the cooler months to come and save big! Shop the store by September 1 so you don’t miss out
A one-size-fits-all note covering all their music properties. Substitute your favorite, such as Godspeed you! Black Emperor or Anal Cunt (thanks zeb).
Ad pitches in the form “THING is happening! So buy our stuff” are by definition desperate, and seasonal appeals approach bathos. In a 30 second radio pitch you can be dragged from “Spring is almost here” to “complete garage door service only $169.95.”
Between that and being told that I’m a busy mom, I wonder how they ever sell me anything.