By substitute on March 23, 2008
As I left the supermarket tonight, the voice overhead intoned this command:
NOW IS THE TIME TO PUT YOUR DESIRE INTO ACTION.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged commerce, phear | 9 Responses
My favorite trashy supermarket in Brooklyn had its own manager do like, ALL of the in-store recordings. It sounded like Christopher Walken drunk and possibly with bell’s palsy:
“Shopp-uhs. Please visut ow-uh prow-doosh depahwtmunt. Shopp-uhs, right NOW. In aisle FIVE. WehavesalesonSOOOP. Canned corn.”
and my favorite were the occsisonal pep talks to their own employees:
“Casheers. Remembah to SMILE. Remembah to take circulahs OUT of tha carts.”
In my ideal world, all such announcements should be made by
Coincidentially, I noticed yesterday that the Dove™ brand (produced by Mars, Inc.) individually wrapped chocolate miniature squares have SATANIC messages printed on the inside of every wrapper.
Oh sure, they call them “PROMISES® Messages,” but they’re Satanic in nature. At least, the six out of six I opened yesterday after lunch were clearly and openly Satanic. I have no explanation for this phenomenon, and it honestly makes me wonder how it could be possible that I would only learn about this by actually opening the product and reading the damned things myself. How come my nearly constant obsessive reading about stupid conspiracy bullshit memes didn’t bring this one to me over the Internet first?
Huh? How come?
Processed in a facility that also processes Gadarene Swine
The Machurian Consumer…
You didn’t notice any dissonant loners suddenly get a blank look in their eyes, clutching a dog-eared copy of “Catcher in the Rye” in one hand and a snub nose .38 in the other, did you?
Re: The Machurian Consumer…
It was a snubby .44 and I did not have a blank look in my eyes. Okay?
OMG what is that icon and where did you procure it. I love.
HURRY, MAN, BEFORE IT’S STILL TIME!!!
THERE IS A TIDE IN THE AFFAIRS OF MEN WHICH, WHEN TAKEN AT THE FLOOD, LEADS ON TO SAVINGS
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